It is my heart felt belief that when we have a disagreement with our partners, it can become a tremendous learning experience that can bring us even closer to one another.
If we could just let our defenses down we could discover a lot about our other half.
I'd like to share one of the most powerful tools to successfully communicate how we feel and get our partner to listen.
Like anything valuable in our relationships, this is a technique based on reciprocal involvement. It won't work unless both of you participate.This is going to require serious effort because you are going to have to take control of yourself when you're angry. You're exchange must also have a tone of caring and devoid of sarcasm.
Here we go; next time you find yourself in a heated disagreement and you find yourself getting defensive you:
- Stop. Just stop the argument. It doesn't matter who's right or wrong at this point. You both clearly feel strongly about your points but are more defensive than communicative.
- You both need to be ready to listen to how your partner FEELS. It's not weather they're right or wrong; it's about how they feel. If you care about your partners feelings, you need to get a grip and listen to what they have to say.
- One of you has to speak first. It's not time to attack the listener with accusations and personal labeling. It's time to talk about how the incident in question, makes you feel.
- The listener needs to listen and not defend themselves. Once your partner has finished you have to repeat back and reassure them that you heard how they feel. You then have to ask them what you can do to help next time a similar situation arises.
- The listener now adopts the position as the speaker each respecting the for mentioned points.
-Your partner needs to trust you to keep what goes on in the conversation sacred and not to be used to make points later on in other disagreements. If you throw things they share with you up in their face when it serves your need, you will loose their trust to open up to you.
This technique takes time to develop, but it will reduce a tremendous amount of stress in your relationship. We can't feel relaxed in life when we aren't at ease with the one we love.
I'd like to share one of the most powerful tools to successfully communicate how we feel and get our partner to listen.
Like anything valuable in our relationships, this is a technique based on reciprocal involvement. It won't work unless both of you participate.This is going to require serious effort because you are going to have to take control of yourself when you're angry. You're exchange must also have a tone of caring and devoid of sarcasm.
Here we go; next time you find yourself in a heated disagreement and you find yourself getting defensive you:
- Stop. Just stop the argument. It doesn't matter who's right or wrong at this point. You both clearly feel strongly about your points but are more defensive than communicative.
- You both need to be ready to listen to how your partner FEELS. It's not weather they're right or wrong; it's about how they feel. If you care about your partners feelings, you need to get a grip and listen to what they have to say.
- One of you has to speak first. It's not time to attack the listener with accusations and personal labeling. It's time to talk about how the incident in question, makes you feel.
- The listener needs to listen and not defend themselves. Once your partner has finished you have to repeat back and reassure them that you heard how they feel. You then have to ask them what you can do to help next time a similar situation arises.
- The listener now adopts the position as the speaker each respecting the for mentioned points.
-Your partner needs to trust you to keep what goes on in the conversation sacred and not to be used to make points later on in other disagreements. If you throw things they share with you up in their face when it serves your need, you will loose their trust to open up to you.
This technique takes time to develop, but it will reduce a tremendous amount of stress in your relationship. We can't feel relaxed in life when we aren't at ease with the one we love.
