The other day I was doing some shopping with my wife and daughter and had a realization that I shared with them. I said, “I’m in a good mood.” I was feeling genuinely happy, so happy that I thought I should share it with them.
They were there for so many days of me feeling so unhappy, lethargic, out-of-focus – in other words, depressed. I wanted to make sure that I shared this with them too. I was happy.
I’m telling you now because, if you’ve been reading my posts for the past couple of years, you’ve read a fair bit of me writing about me being depressed.
That day, while were were shopping, wasn’t the only time I’ve been happy in the past few months, but at that moment, it was really noticeable for me and the two most important people in my life were there. I’m not always happy, but nobody is. It’s different, however for people who struggle with depression.
Anyone who has ever dealt with depression knows that while nobody can always be happy, when you’re in the middle of a bout of depression, you may never be happy and you fear that you never will be again.
So, now I have days when I’m happy. I also have the occasional day when I feel confident and brave, and I have more of those than I used to, which is opening up some doors I doubted would ever open, and giving me the courage to consider prying open a few that I sealed up long ago.
Now, I’m a realist, and I know that history, my history, makes it highly likely that it won’t just be smooth sailing from here on out. I’m not, however, sitting around waiting for my mood to turn, my focus to wane, and my energy to dwindle. This time, it seems that I’m far more aware, and far more grateful for this healthy time, so I’m trying to do the best that I can with it.
By the way, as I was taking the picture for this post, I was reminded of this skit from the Baroness Von Sketch Show. Note: this is a Canadian show so it may not play in the U.S.