I’ve long been that person who when asked what I want to do when going out with friends and family will seem to be kind of indifferent. “It doesn’t matter to me,” or “anywhere, really” are not uncommon phrases to come out of me.
Sometimes, I honestly don’t care. If we’re going for food and I can get something tasty and maybe on the healthier side, I’m usually not picky. Are we trying to decide on an activity, I sometimes just want the time with the people I’m with.
But, honestly, often I just don’t want to rock the boat. What choose to do or where we decide to eat may not be my first, or even second choice, but I’ll go along to make others happy. This isn’t badass, it’s dumbass.
Avoiding rocking the boat is a good strategy if the goal is to make other people happy, but in the process, the weight of keeping your own opinions inside will lead to resentment and sink your boat.
If I really don’t care, that’s one thing, but if I do, I have every right to throw my opinion into the mix, and this doesn’t just apply to what restaurant you go to, movie you see, game you play, or any other activity you do with others.
James Clear posted the following tweet this week.
If you always let other people decide what you’ll be doing and never say otherwise, how are they supposed to know that you’re disappointed? If somebody always makes sarcastic comments to you and you never say anything about it, how are they supposed to know how much it bothers you, that it’s not okay with? Speak up. Say something so they know that what they are doing is not okay with you, and do it before you blow up at them (yep, talking to myself here).
Rachel Hollis told a story in a recent podcast where she said her husband had, in the past, always left his dirty underwear on the bathroom floor and she would stew over it. Then she started taking a picture of it every day with the plan to create some sort of video montage dripping with her resentment. Instead she talked to him and, guess what, he stopped doing it (and asked her to delete all of those pictures).
I want to finish this on an important point, you need to speak up about the good stuff too. If you appreciate the way somebody treats you, tell them. If it was your friend’s turn to pick the restaurant and you loved it, tell them (if you hated it, be kind, but honest in your comments). Speaking up for yourself, in constructive and, when possible, kind ways, is so important, but if somebody only here’s from you about the stuff they’re getting wrong, the boat that is your relationship, is going down.
